Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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