I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
