I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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