She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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