when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
