her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need water and some morals
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
