What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
