exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
