I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
