'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
