What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
