I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
