Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
