By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
