I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
did i just pee glitter
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize