too bad you live with your parents still
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
