I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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