remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize