I accidentally burped into my bong.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
