In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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