My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
