9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
