I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
