he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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