I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
