just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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