So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
