You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
