Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
