maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
