i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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