So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
