But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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