The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
