you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
