please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
