I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
