My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
