i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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