Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
