Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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