If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
