sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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