I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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