best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dont even know how to be here
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
