sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
