It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
