so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
