I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
