Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
