Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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