What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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