I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's shark week go big or go home
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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