Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
