never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize