I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
