Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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