his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
