i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
