It's Friday. Sex?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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