I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
