I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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