was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
