someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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