I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
