Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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