I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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