my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
And then he peed in my hair
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