Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize