Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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