Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
