highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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