I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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