I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
