I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
